In the past week or so, I feel I have really been hit hard by the adversary. I have been feeling so unprepared and inadequate for my mission. I hate it. I really feel like I can feel Satan trying to make me feel like I am not good enough and never will be. Its been a hard thing to work through.
I have been praying a lot recently that I would find peace and feel like I was ready to serve. This Sunday seemed to be an answer to prayers for me. In Relief Society we had a lesson on overcoming trials. This scripture in D&C really stuck out to me. I know its super cliche and you probably have it memorized or something, but hear me out...
"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens father blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."
I was so impressed by this. I know that even though it is hard for me to feel down, this trial (small though it may be) is for my good. It will help me, if I am willing to turn it over to my Father in heaven, to become a stronger missionary. I truly am grateful for my Heavenly Father. He knows just how to talk to me and strengthen me. I know all these difficult times are giving me the experience necessary to be an amazing missionary. I know its for my good. I know that through faith and prayer I can turn these insecurities into strengths. That I can do all things through Christ. I am grateful for my opportunity to serve and I know I can be my best because Christ is there to help me. I am not forgotten. It is so inspiring and comforting to know that I have a Heavenly Father who truly cares for me and is helping me through my trials. I am so blessed to be a member of this church and to be able to bring these blessings to the people of Utica, New York.